Motivation - an internal desire or need that energizes one's life and gives it direction - is important to success. Many believe that it is more important than natural abilities or aptitudes. At some point in your child's development, you will probably feel that your child lacks sufficient motivation. Most parents face this worry. Different "signs" may trigger this concern - your child seems turned off by everything, complains excessively about school or home life, drops out of activities, or acts particularly bored with routine and non-routine events. Your concern comes from a sincere interest in your child's future and well-being. That is why it is so important not to react in ways that might actually make the problem worse.
Simply put, encouragement, not criticism, inspires children. When a parent criticizes a child, even constructively, that child is often discouraged and less motivated to do what is expected. On the other hand, by noticing and encouraging good behavior, a parent will see more of that good behavior. For example, complimenting your child for completing her homework before going out to play will encourage the same behavior to be repeated. "Thank you for picking up your room" will produce better results than "How many times do I have to tell you to pick up your room?"
Criticism can sink into a harmful cycle when the parent criticizes in a humiliating, hurtful way. "You are being really stupid!" "What is the matter with you?" "Don't you ever learn?" The child internalizes the criticism, loses confidence, becomes angry and alienated, and becomes less motivated to behave. The parent criticizes, and the child reacts. Both parent and child begin to believe that the child is all of those negative things.
On the other hand, parents who look for their children's good behaviors are far less likely to find faults. The children feel good about themselves, their behaviors improve, the improvements are recognized, and their motivation increases. All motivational problems are not simply solved and can require professional help. But parents can make a huge impact by focusing on and supporting the good in their children.
Motivating job seekers
Whether the job seeker is a young person or an adult, keeping motivated during the job search process can be difficult. It takes courage to call employers, be interviewed, and pick oneself up after being told you didn't get the job. It takes belief in yourself to know that the right job for you is out there and to pursue it, with determination and a positive attitude, over an extended period of time.
When your children are looking for work, continue to let them know you believe in them. Remind them that job search can be stressful for anyone and to take care of themselves by:
- Eating a balanced diet
- Exercising regularly
- Sleeping regularly
- Avoiding drugs and alcohol
- Having a budget for their living expenses
- Scheduling time for job search and other activities
- Having a plan of action for their job search
- Seeking help when needed
Encourage them to take concrete steps to reduce their stress and discouragement. Make the job search a learning experience by following these suggestions:
- Review their skills
Go over their job application information, resume, or portfolio. This can help them remember their skills, abilities, and accomplishments. Reviewing what they can do and have done will help them remain encouraged and positive.
Family and friends can be your children's support network, although sometimes it is difficult to talk about feelings with people who are not going through the same experience. If that is the case, encourage them to find a support group where they can. Many workforce centers and college career centers have organized groups.
- Use positive self-talk
Remind your children of their accomplishments. Encourage them to remind themselves often that they are a good and competent person. Remaining positive can make other people glad to help you.
- Listen to motivational speakers
Most libraries and video stores have tapes by motivational speakers. A local church or community agency can also help.
- Increase their skills
They can increase skills through projects, hobbies, workshops, and training courses. Taking steps to increase or improve skills can help them feel better about themselves. This has a double advantage of putting them in contact with other people.
- Do volunteer work
Keep skills active by volunteering. This too adds to self-confidence and a positive sense of contributing.
Adapted from the Oregon Career Information System, "Job Search, Step
10 - Stay Positive" at http://oregoncis.uoregon.edu/webcis/,
copyright 2006, University of Oregon. Used with permission.